The Ocean and Me
How I'm using my hand, head, and heart this month to listen, build compassionate actions, and live into my love of this amazing planet.
I recently returned home from Troncones, Guerrero, Mexico where I turned myself upside down. In the middle of adjusting to increasing cold and darkness, I transported myself to a small Pacific coastal fishing community with 80°F temperatures, 85% humidity, and 9 hours average of sunlight. (Compare to Baltimore in October — 68°F temperature, 70% humidity, and 7 hours average of sunlight. It’s a big difference.)
I traveled to Troncones for a beach retreat with my teacher, Britt Steele. I was scheduled to go on retreat with her in March 2020 and then the COVID shut down began.
I do believe that the universe is continually conspiring on our behalf, so when the retreat was canceled in March 2020 I figured it wasn’t the right time. When it was re-scheduled for October 2023, I knew that there was a reason. Scheduled during the week leading up to Samhain/Dia de Los Muertos/All Souls Day, and a full moon and lunar eclipse I knew there would be lots of energy around the week.
Britt titled our retreat, Soul Sister Beach Escape Retreat. The intention was to have a relatively free form, intuitive retreat, in which participants would ‘ride the wave’ of sisterhood, intuition, rest and connection, providing for us the opportunity to hear our hearts and to live our lives from that place when we return home.
My focus for the week was to take time to reflect and to pay attention. Without the activities, responsibilities, and distractions of daily life, I hoped to tap into my own intuition and really pay attention and be aware. To listen and to notice. I knew the week would be special but I had no idea!
This small group of women are now truly my Soul Sisters. John O’Donoghue explains in Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom that there are special friendships built upon recognition and belonging. Where presence and awareness are the drivers that cause one to be seen by the other. This recognition fosters a deep relationship, one in which a person can share their inner most self, thoughts, mind, heart. As he says: “….you are understood as you are without mask or pretension. The superficial and functional lies and half-truths of social acquaintance fall away, you can be as you really are.” (page 15). That is exactly what happened amongst our little group. It is also what happened with my relationship with the Ocean.
The Ocean Calls Me
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived...”
― Henry David Thoreau
Thoreau went to the woods to live life deeply, to know that he had given it his all, and to know he had lived as fully possible. I go to the Ocean to find myself. I go to the forest as well but it’s really Ocean that calls me.
I feel the strong call of water. Oceans. Rivers. Lakes. Wetlands. I feel better when I am near them. When I am not with water I can tell I am missing it, physically but also much deeper. There’s a void. Even a sadness. When I return to water I feel like a missing piece is returned.
I think that is part of the reason that when I was pregnant with our oldest I just wanted to float in the Ocean. To be held by her. To be moved by her. She is after all, everything. She is all of the elements.
Ocean,
She is water — the currents, the life zones, she is playful.
She is air — the spray off of the waves, the tides, she is motion.
She is ether — the coolness of the water, the sound of the waves, she is spacious.
She is fire — the waves, she is purposeful yet transformative.
She is earth — the ocean floor, mountains, trenches, sediments, rocks, beach, she is grounding and nurturing.
As soon as I stepped onto the beach in Troncones, I exhaled and felt like I had come home to some knowing deep within me.
Ocean and I Changed
The longer I spent in Troncones, the more I changed, my body changed, and the more I saw the Ocean change as well. I said to Britt during yoga one morning, “My body is just melting into the ground.” I physically felt like I was dissolving. Dissolving into the earth, into the beach, into the Ocean.
It was hard to move with any speed. Each body part felt heavy. I couldn’t distinguish my edges from the world around me. The only time this shifted to lightness was in the Ocean or in the pool. Floating on my back, letting the water have its way with me.
Intellectually, I knew that the change in latitude and climate were heavy on my body. (Baltimore is along the 39th parallel and Toroncones is along the 17th.) But I was also feeling something coming from Ocean.
Ocean and I, and everything on this beautiful planet, are composed of the same building blocks. The material composition of the universe comes from one initial event. As Biologist Ursula Goodenough explains:
“In the beginning, everything that is now the universe, including all of its ordinary matter and dark matter and dark energy, was concentrated in a singularity, smaller that the size of a pinhead, that was unimaginably hot and unimaginably dense. It all let loose during an event called the Big Bang - a misleading term in that there wasn’t an audible explosion.” pp. 12-13.
Said another way by Physicist Neil deGrasse Tyson,
“The atoms of our bodies are traceable to stars that manufactured them in their cores and exploded these enriched ingredients across our galaxy, billions of years ago. For this reason, we are biologically connected to every other living thing in the world. We are chemically connected to all molecules on Earth. And we are atomically connected to all atoms in the universe. We are not figuratively, but literally stardust.”
This means that Ocean, Earth, each of us, everything in the circle of life, every being is composed of the same stuff, and impacted by the same forces. We cannot be separate because we are the same. Picking up on a shift in energy from Ocean makes sense, especially since the focus of my week was listening and paying attention.
Ocean is the planet’s largest habitat. She covers 70% of the surface. She absorbs the sun’s heat and thereby controls the temperature on land and the weather patterns. She is a home to millions of plants and animals. Ocean was changing over the week I was in Troncones.
It started on October 24th when the State of Guerrero Mexico went on alert.
Each of Ocean’s elements began to change. Water became turbulent and dark. Air became heavy and swirling. Fire became a rolling, roar of angry waves. Earth became vulnerable.
On October 24th, 165 miles away from Troncones, Hurricane Otis plowed through Acapulco with 165 mph winds. The strongest storm to make landfall on Mexico’s west coast. Moving fast, it grew from Category 1 to Category 5 in only 12 hours.
The next day, October 25th, 30 miles away from Troncones, a 4.4 magnitude earthquake was recorded 28km south-east of Zihuatanejo.
Then the rains came.
The ocean had an audience. I felt her. Crying. Angry. Frustrated. She wanted me to listen and I was.
Who Has Hope? This Little Guy!
22 April 1995, Earth Day 25. The 25th anniversary of the first Earth Day. The place to be on 22 April 1995 was the National Mall in Washington, DC. for the National Earth Day Rally. As the Washington Post described it:
“Earth Day is like the earth itself -- it's hard to figure out who's in charge, everything seems on the verge of anarchy, and the only thing that people really agree on is that earth is still the best planet... Everywhere you go there are kids. They are being artistic and uplifting and concerned with the environment. You can't find a hot dog without bumping into a group of children with their arms in the air, singing.”
There was so much energy that day. Everything I had experienced with wild places culminated in that rally. I amped up my actions on behalf of living into my love of this planet: reduce, reuse, recycle; compost; conserve water; shop wisely; upcycle; donate; energy efficient light bulbs; plant trees; plant a vegetable garden; stop using chemicals; reusable beverage containers; carpool; eat vegetarian/vegan; and, more.
As I sat with Ocean during the week in Troncones I often thought about Earth Day 25. How much has changed in the past 28 years? There’s just so much more now.
Historical and Future Projected Climate.
Unavoidable melting in West Antarctica.
As time went on after Earth Day 25, individual actions, while important, did not seem to outpace the needs. I realized I couldn’t change the world. The best I could do was change myself, my actions, and my thoughts. I had to find the place in me that resonated with the wild places, that centered and valued the world and more than human persons just because they existed, like me. And, then, as opportunities arose, provide opportunities and reassurance for others that they can change the world by changing themselves and living in a new way they find. Like the little guy in the image above, I had to believe that I could, so, that I would.
I decided the next step was to delve deeper into my consumerism. I had to loosen my entanglement with gigantic companies and the industrial economy. It’s a big ask, and it’s not perfect, but its how I moved forward. If I’m honest, I’m not even sure that is totally possible in this culture within which I live. But what I am sure is that each time I loosened one hold on me, it made a difference beyond me.
Take bread, for example. One company owns and produces 31 different brands of breads and baked goods. They present as different bread companies on the grocery store shelves but they are all made by the same company and marketed differently for different audiences. This company has 203 industrial manufacturing plants (about 1/3 of which are in the USA and Canada) to produce items that my great grandparents made for themselves. I decided to make my own bread, bagels, english muffins, tortillas, etc. and I haven’t looked back. This was followed by my own pasta, pizza dough, vanilla, peanut butter, granola, yogurt, vinegar, almond milk, herbal remedies, skincare, and more.
I can’t make everything so I also strive to purchase directly from makers. We purchase taper and pillar beeswax candles from Bluecorn Candles a company that began in Colorado in 1991. Direct to consumer has been their strength. After the candles become stubs, our oldest makes new candles from the stubs. My absolute favorite candles come from Anchored Roots. Her candles are handcrafted and imbued with open and receptive energies. They are so beautiful!
For the past 18-years we have supported a local farm that delivers dairy, eggs, fruits, veggies, our Thanksgiving turkey, and so much more directly to our house. Our kids have had the experience of knowing where their fruits, veggies, eggs, dairy, and cheese come from. They have met the farmers and walked the fields, and they have met the cows and chickens, and fed the calves.
Now, the phase I am in is to listen. Ocean reminded me of this. Connecting to wildness and listening to what the wild shares with me. Finding a place and space that allows me to be undistracted and to sit and listen. Wonder, marvel, awe, awareness. To deeply understand my place in web of life of the planet. As I am the only species with a voice others understand and purchasing power, I have the unique ability to speak for interdependence, to speak about the vast living system of which we are a part, to reimagine and repair what it means for me to be a part of this beautiful ecosystem. Everything in the web of life on this planet has intrinsic value, interdependence. This leads to relationship, if we let it. Intentionally creating relationship with our natural world - the ocean, the forest, a great blue heron, a sea turtle, a polar bear - leads to compassionate action on behalf of all of us — humans, more than humans, ecosystems.
Soul Sisters
It was also with this Ocean that I discovered these Soul Sisters. We greeted the day together and said good night to the moon together. We weathered a hurricane, earthquake, full moon, lunar eclipse, rain storms, and beautiful weather together. We cooked, did crafts, sat up late swapping stories. Most importantly, we found each other and the different aspects of ourselves that we recognized in each other. We represent the ocean, the mystic, the great mother, the butterfly, pure fire, and heart.
During our closing ceremony, we infused messages and energy into a piece of jewelry each of us brought with us. My wave ring has now been infused with the messages and energy of each my soul sisters. I wear it every day, just as before, but now I hear the Ocean and the voices of my Soul Sisters reminding me to live into my love of this amazing planet.
Here’s how I am using my hand, head, and heart to support those efforts.
Here’s how I am using my hand, head, and heart to support those efforts and to listen, build compassionate actions, and live into my love of this amazing planet.
Hand - Macrame Feathers. I remember macrame from summer camp in the 1970s. We would make bracelets and swap them with each other before the end of camp. While in Troncones, one of the Soul Sisters brought macrame supplies and taught us all how to make feathers. We sat around a large wooden table with all of the cord colors imaginable and supplies collected on beach wanderings - sticks, shells, etc. We laughed, told stories, and sang songs while making our feathers.
Symbolism surrounding feathers is plentiful. While making my macrame feather in Troncones I kept thinking about feathers as symbols of trust, honor, strength, wisdom, and spirit. When our oldest is home for Thanksgiving Break this will be the project we work on together. It will be fun to see if her projects end up as jewelry, wall hangings, key chains, or something else. I’m excited to see what sort of feather she will make and what symbolism she will see within it.
Head - Lots of reading! I am diving into scientific papers, legal papers, and folklore to focus on the ocean, ecocide, the climate and ecological emergency, and posthumanism. Here are two books I’m particularly excited about reading this month.
Yemaya: Orisha, Goddess, and Queen of the Sea by Raven Morgaine
Blessed Unrest: How the Largest Social Movement in History Is Restoring Grace, Justice, and Beauty to the World by Paul Hawken
Heart - Martinmas is November 11th. It is the festival of light and lanterns based on the story of Martin du Tours. It is a time to focus on the importance of seeing ones own inner light and how it can carry us — ourselves and each other — safely through the emerging darkness. It is also a festival of compassion.
My reflection and meditation for Martinmas is a bit different this year. I will light their lanterns, use a beach rock as a focal piece, and reflect on the state of the planet (social and ecological), consider my daily choices, and listen for how to shine my light and act compassionately on a daily basis for this world.
This season my hand, head, and heart explorations provide an opportunity for me to listen, build compassionate actions, and live into my love of this amazing planet. There’s so much going on and I will explore it all in more detail in the November newsletter so be sure you are subscribed to A Crunchy Life.
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