Asking the Big Question: What’s the matter? What do you want me to do, To do for you, to see you through?
Focusing on connection, relationship, compassion, and using my gifts to make a difference
Once March arrives, the music that is the soundtrack of my day shifts. During the deepest, darkest part of winter my music choices mirror the season - slower, reflective, dreamy. Now, my soundtrack switches to music that is as spirited as the growing sunlight, the emergence of new life, and renewal. I find myself wanting to listen to music that reminds me of sunshine on my face, music that warms me from the inside and makes me want to stretch up to the sky and dance, music that brings me back to my senses and makes me simply smile, smile, smile. More often than not, the Grateful Dead is in heavy rotation during this time.
Sometimes a song just grabs a hold and doesn’t let go.
Do you have a song that stopped you in your tracks the first time you heard it? For me, it was Box of Rain. There are just some songs that stick with you, for whatever reason - the lyrics, the sound, the imagery, the emotion. Sometimes a song just grabs a hold and doesn’t let go. Box of Rain is one of the greatest songs, on one of the greatest albums, and together they changed my life. It’s the first song on side one of the 1970 studio album American Beauty by the Grateful Dead, and it begins the emotional journey that is that album.
The other day, when I was listening to Box of Rain, I was suddenly overcome with tears and thoughts about the state of the world, the people I love, the Earth ecosystem of which we are just one tiny component, and the future.
What do you want me to do To do for you, to see you through? A box of rain will ease the pain And love will see you through
A bit about the origin of the song. A Box of Rain by Robert Hunter (1990) is a collection of over 250 Grateful Dead songs in which he explains the sources of certain songs. On page 26, he explains that “Phil Lesh wanted a song to sing to his dying father and had composed a piece complete with every vocal nuance but the words. If ever a lyric “wrote itself,” this did — as fast as the pen would pull.”
Phil Lesh remembers it a little bit differently. In Searching for the Sound by Phil Lesh (2005), he shares on page 187-188, “Between that time and the end of the summer, I'd been fooling around (on acoustic guitar) with a chord sequence that had sprung into my mind one day that spring…By the beginning of fall, it had cohered into an entire song structure complete with melody, lacking only words. I made a rough cassette with just guitar and my melismatic vocal, and presented it to Hunter, who I felt was the only man for this job. Hunter has said elsewhere that I had asked specifically for a song for my father; actually, I merely mentioned casually that I'd be working out the vocal as I drove to visit him. One way or another, that must have been a catalyst for his imagination — a day later, he presented me with some of the most moving and heartfelt lyrics I've ever had the good fortune to sing.”
One thing they agree on is the power of this song.
I remember the first time I heard Box of Rain in concert. Hampton Coliseum, March 1986. I was with my two best friends. It was the perfect blend of warmth and belonging amongst the three of us, within a perfect moment of the concert. What I didn’t realize until many years later, was that the song hadn’t been performed live since the mid-1970s. (It was also the last song the Grateful Dead ever played in concert, July 9, 1995.) Reflecting back on that 1986 concert, I know I’m not alone when I say it felt like they played Box of Rain just for us. I’m sure those in attendance have their own unique stories and memories about the importance of hearing it live that night.
Box of Rain fit so beautifully into the journey the three of us were on as friends. The next day was spent at Virginia Beach, under the sun, in the cold wind, playing in the sand, and on the water’s edge. Enjoying the moment together with each other and Mother Earth.
Lessons on Living from Box of Rain
Throughout Box of Rain there are lessons on living a life connected to the Earth and each other. Its about the power of love and connection. There are references to rain and water that speak to me of cleansing and transformation.
Take a look at each of the following verses.
Look out of any window
Any morning, any evening, any day
Maybe the sun is shining
Birds are winging, no rain is falling from a heavy sky
Lesson on living: Look outside. See what is going on around you. Notice the details. Notice how it feels.
Walk out of any doorway
Feel your way like the day before
Maybe you'll find direction
Around some corner where it's been waiting to meet you
Lesson on living: Walk outside. Pay attention. Notice. Be open.
Look into any eyes
You find by you; you can see clear to another day
Maybe been seen before
Through other eyes on other days while going home
Lesson on living: Connect. Every one is experiencing something of their own. Yet, every one is connected. Take the time while on this journey to see other’s journeys and experiences.
Walk into splintered sunlight
Inch your way through dead dreams to another land
Maybe you're tired and broken
Your tongue is twisted with words half spoken and thoughts unclear
Lesson on living: In challenging times, stick it out, stay true to yourself, and keep going. There is another land beyond the challenge.
What do you want me to do To do for you, to see you through? A box of rain will ease the pain And love will see you through Just a box of rain, wind and water Believe it if you need it, if you don't just pass it on Sun and shower, wind and rain In and out the window like a moth before a flame
The lyrics challenge me to find connection. Support others. Celebrate the world around me. Let Mother Earth heal and ground me. It’s about compassion - asking all who co-exist on this beautiful planet with me - what do you need? what can I do? This begins with my own little family and extends beyond.
Moving toward the lunar eclipse and the Spring Equinox
As we move towards the lunar eclipse (March 13th) and Spring Equinox (March 20th) we’re moving through a time of new beginnings. A time to celebrate light, connection to nature, and connection to each other. Its also a time to think about how balance can be restored in a world that seems out of kilter.
My old European ancestors have been trying to teach that lesson for a long time through the stories of the grail quest. According to the wonderful Sharon Blackie (see below: On Another Note), The Elucidation is believed to be the oldest grail story. Then, there is Chretien’s The Story of the Grail in the 12th Century, and Wolfram von Eschenbach’s early 13th century version finishes the Perceval (Parzival) story. For Perceval, the grail quest comes down to learning compassion so that he is able to look at the wounded King Anfortas and ask the appropriate question: What’s the matter? (“My heart is full of pity for thee; what aileth thee, mine Uncle?” p. 230.)
It also sounds like the refrain in Box of Rain. It all begins with a question:
What do you want me to do To do for you, to see you through?
When it comes to making a difference, there are those who are here to feed others, those who are here to pray, those who are here to teach, those who are here to be warriors, etc. We all have our role to play in this world, based upon our gifts.
Leading up to the Spring Equinox, I am focusing on letting go of the spaces where I can't effect change and letting go of that which I no longer need.
I have a choice about how to manifest positivity in my life and in the world, so leading up to the Spring Equinox, I am focusing on letting go of the spaces where I can't effect change and letting go of that which I no longer need. The result, is that I have more to give to the spaces where I can make a difference. As an educator, I’d like to think that this Substack is one of those places where I can use my gifts and make a difference.
This month letting go of the spaces where I can't effect change and letting go of that which I no longer need looks a lot like a spring cleaning. In reality, it’s not just a practice to get ready for a holiday or a seasonal change, its something I continuously do.
My spring cleansing ritual helps me minimize attachment to things and keeps me from becoming overwhelmed by stuff. The result is that there is less to clean, less to store, less to manage, and more space and time for creativity and actually living my life rather than managing things.
I am also spring cleansing and de-cluttering my mind. I find that my digital life provides a lot of extraneous noise. I can get lost in that noise (I have a tendency towards deep rabbit holes because I love research and discovering what is at the root of things). My computer is as filled up as my digital life. It’s time to clear out the 15 copies of the photo of our youngest when he was 4 years old and kissing a frog, and the three copies of The Descent of Inanna that I have in three different locations. Then, there is my mind itself: de-cluttering the negative thoughts, the unkind words, and the unhelpful narratives I tell myself.
The biggest change right now is that @sunde.glade is taking a break from Instagram and social media. Not because of the algorithm (although, yuck!). Not because of the posts I’m seeing (making me quick to rise and slow to recover sometimes). Rather, it’s because I can’t fix social media. I don’t want to add to that noise for somebody else and I don’t like how that noise feels inside of me.
Instead, I’ll be over here tending relationships - human and more than human. I’ll be asking the big questions to those around me - What’s the matter? What do you want me to do, To do for you, to see you through? And, because I have been letting go of the spaces where I can't effect change and letting go of that which I no longer need, I have the space and the bandwidth to take the time on my journey to see other’s journeys and experiences, and to support them. After all, we have “Such a long, long time to be gone and a short time to be there.” So:
What do you want me to do To do for you, to see you through? A box of rain will ease the pain And love will see you through.
I’ll be focusing on connection, relationship, compassion, and using my gifts to make a difference.
What role do you play in this world based upon your gifts?
5 Notes
Five final notes on what I’m doing, drinking, listening to, reading, and practicing in yoga.
Doing — Watching the Blood Moon Lunar Eclipse on the night of March 13th. It will be the first total lunar eclipse since November 2022. It’s expected to last just over six hours from 11:57 p.m. EDT to 6 a.m. EDT and will be visible across most of the Americas, all 50 USA states, Canada, Mexico, with glimpses in Europe, Africa, and East Asia. For more information check out NASA Total Lunar Eclipse Visibility Map and NASA Dial-A-Moon. Yes, I will be waking up the entire family to view this eclipse!
Drinking — Lunar Eclipse Tea. This total lunar eclipse on March 13th is known to as a Blood Moon. This is because the Earth’s shadow will completely cover the Moon so it will appear to be a glowing red orb in the night sky. You can read about the science behind it in NASA Space News. In honor of this eclipse I am enjoying a deep red tea with a hint of sweetness.
4 parts Hibiscus flowers (Hence, the deep red color.) 2 parts dried Orange peel 1 part dried Roses petals 1 part Star Anise 1 part Cinnamon chips Combine all of the ingredients and pour 3 cups of boiling water over the mixture. Let steep covered for 20 minutes. Strain the tea into a favorite mug. Add honey, to taste, if desired. According to the Herbarium, hibiscus helps to move stuck mucus and energy throughout the digestive system, lungs, circulatory system, and reproductive system so it's a good choice given my cleansing intentions this month.
Listening to — Fontaines D.C. - an Irish post-punk band. They have released four albums since 2019 so there is lots to listen to. Suggestion: Listen to Starburster, it deals with being you and finding your way amidst the muck of the ever day, and then listen to It’s Amazing to be Young. Together they sum up so much about right now.
Reading — Forest Walking: Discovering the Trees and Woodlands of North America by Peter Wohlleben and Jane Billinghurst.
Yoga — As I mentioned above, this is a time for new beginnings. A time to celebrate light, connection to nature, and connection to each other. It’s also a time to think about how balance can be restored in a world that seems out of kilter. How I can focus on connection, relationship, compassion, and using my gifts to make a difference is my focus right now. Just like my spring cleansing practices above, my yoga practice right now is about spring cleaning, too. Making ways for new ideas, intentions and connections. My practice right now, looks like this:
This is a practice that I have wanted to embark upon for a number of years. I’ve always completed far fewer Sun Salutations than a 108 but this Spring Equinox feels like the right time to honor the sun in this manner. It doesn’t really matter if I achieve 108 Sun Salutations, but the process of getting there will be informative. I’m practicing throughout the month first doing 36, then 72, then 108 on the equinox.
There are many benefits to Sun Salutations. For my equinox practice, I am focusing on my breath, letting go of energy that is stuck in my body, returning to balance, being center, grounded, and letting my heart truly open.
Why 108? Britt B Steele has a list of how 108 is an auspicious number. Here are some:
1 = the one, divine 0 = the ring in endless connection 8 = infinity 108 Upanishads 108 sacred sites in India 108 is symbolic of Allah in Islam 108 beads on prayer beads in Turkish tradition 108 beads on a Catholic rosary 108 Gods and demons in yogic lore 108 stars in Chinese astrology 108 energy lines converge at the heart chakra 108 The distance from earth to sun divided by the diameter of the moon 108 The distance from earth to moon: that distance, divided by the diameter of the sun 108 is the 12 houses multiplied by 9 planets in Astrology 108 feet in diameter is the Sarsen Circle at Stonehenge
My plan is to complete 108 Sun Salutations in bite size chunks: 9 sets of 12, and each set of 12 divided into 4 sets of 3. I will start on my right foot so that I know my right foot is always an odd number, in case I get lost and have to figure out where I am (which will no doubt happen!). I am giving my self permission to take a break after the third set of 12. This break will give me the opportunity to check in with myself, do a bit of journaling, and rest as needed.
If you want to see what 108 Sun Salutations looks like, Britt has a video on her YouTube channel where she does 108 straight through. It takes her about 1.5 hours.
On another note — You can still take Sharon Blackie’s course The Mystery of the Grail: A Gathering in the Bone Cave. It’s now a self-study and I highly recommend it. She ties all of the stories together into a thread that informs how one is in the world - then and today. Her other Bone Cave sessions are available here if you are interested in diving into other ancient stories.
Thank you, dear one. 🌱