A Quagmire of Words
I am moving through this quagmire of sound, words, and overwhelm the only way I know how. Slow. Steady. Purposeful. Intentional. Here's how I'm using my head, hand, and heart to do just that.
“Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world.” — Gautama Buddha
No-see-ums, midges, gnats. No matter the name, stories about them are prolific. A quick internet search turns up every type of story from funny to painful. They are members of the Ceratopogonidae family of flies and there are more than 5,000 species of them. They live in every part of the world except polar regions and have made their seasonal arrival to my corner of the world.
Have you ever walked into the midst of them? They swarm all around you. They get in your eyes, your nose, your ears, your mouth (especially if you are busy talking). They just wreck havoc. When this happens, I try to focus in on the space, the space around me, suddenly they all come into clear focus and then I can move through them without getting them in all of those places. It becomes manageable and a way forward is clear.
March has been a difficult month for me to write. Its noisy right now. There are so many words all over the place - the internet, social media, television, radio, social interactions, everywhere. Words being used, misused, interpreted, misinterpreted, confused. I don’t want to add more to the confusion, anxiety, to the mix. So, I have been really hesitant to put more words into the universe.
Here’s the thing, I write for myself. These are my musings, my ideas about how I navigate through this life. Right or wrong (there’s two words that I have difficulty with because I’m not sure we all have the same meaning for them) this is my way. I’m not here to tell anyone else how to walk in this life. I’m not here to tell anyone what to think. These are just my thoughts and my experiences. And, on the off chance that they help someone else think through life for themselves, then that’s a bonus.
I endeavor to live from a place of love. A love that is deep, powerful, sinuous, and activates response. A love that motivates, protects, and begets more love. This love is everywhere, if we choose to see it and nurture it. This love is grounded in a belief that we are the best we are at any moment but is manifested in a commitment to supporting each other.
Yet, love is another one of those difficult words, even though it feels like it should have a clear and universal definition. There isn’t agreement as to what love means or how love is manifested. People have tried to legislate love, sought wars and revenge about love, and sang songs, written poetry, and made art about love. It turns out, our use of the word love is more complicated than cursory use would suggest.
This month I am trying to move through this quagmire of sounds, words, and overwhelm the only way I know how. Slow. Steady. Purposeful. Intentional. I am just walking through the gnats, trying to focus on the space between them so I can see my way through it and to action.
The importance of words
Words. If we can clearly focus on meaning and intention, the space within which the words inhabit, then maybe some of the destruction words can cause can be avoided. If we just move through the space as we normally do and just let things flow out of our mouths as they come then we can wreck havoc, too. Im not talking about all of those adages our parents or grandparents had:
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me - because we know that’s not true. We know words can hurt, words can hurt deeply, words can hurt so much more than physical pain even.
And its not just “let’s be thoughtful,” “let’s not hurt others feelings,” “say nice things.” Because there is something deeper and more powerful that happens with words.
Verbal and non verbal communication is foundational to the human experience. But it is verbal communication — oral, written, and sign language — that makes our ability to communicate with each other so interesting and so powerful. Verbal communication relies on the ability to convey meaning via words.
For example, let’s go back to the meaning of “love.” the Oxford English Dictionary has 409 definitions for “love.” When my husband, or my kids, or I say “I love you” to each other we don’t know what the other person means by saying love. We just know our own interpretation of what each other saying “I love you” means.
The need to communicate, the need to express, the need to share is important in humans. After all, stories drive the world. Stories are the only things that can cause change. And, we all have stories. It is through the sharing of our stories that we build compassion. We learn from each others stories. Stories teach us to feel, stories teach us empathy, stories change perspectives. Stories motivate us to action.
Words are the integral pieces, the vital elements, of stories. They determine the direction, the mood, the tone, the emotion of the story, and they create characters and expectations. That is why use of words is so critical. Words can worsen anxiety and depression or support health and happiness, cause conflicts or help solve them, create division or build understanding, reinforce bias or perpetuate equality, incite cruelty and violence or empower resistance and resilience.
The importance of words came to light really heavily for me when I was in Mexico and I've been coming back to it throughout this month.
What love, God, teacher, smart, weed, near, far have in common - they’re complicated
March is a time when I see divinity in the tiny changes in the more than human persons around me - flowers popping out of the dark soil, buds on trees, birds building nests, squirrels chasing each other, and so much more.
My own natural rhythm is tied to this awakening around me. Thoughts swirl in my mind about what is divine, how I see divinity in the world, what does divine mean, and other thoughts that clang from there. It also brings me back to a discussion from when I was in Mexico in October.
We were sitting around the long wooden table discussing divinity. I was sharing a thought that I no longer remember and needed to express a name for God, and I shared, “I don’t like saying ‘God’.” Of course, like good teachers do, a follow up question quickly came in my direction. My teacher asked me to explain.
I shared that the word “God” doesn’t seem big enough. It doesn’t seem to encompass everything I want the word to express. I want it to be both intimate and intangible, knowable and amorphous. I want it to be able to represent everything - what is, what was, what will be, all the potential, the entirety of the web of life and the universe.
That led my teacher to share a story of Yahweh - breath.
Yahweh
My teacher said that a rabbi told the story that Moses asked God what His name was. God answered and gave his name in the original Hebrew -“YHWH.” The rabbi went on to explain that saying the letters “YHWH” represents breathing sounds. When pronounced without vowels, it sounds like breathing: Y—-H— W—-H. Many of us are more familiar with it with vowels added - Yahweh.
I like that when said as breath it does not implicate any specific human language. It works for writing and personal use yet it doesn’t seem practical for verbal communication. It also doesn’t feel like mine.
This isn’t a post about religion or spirituality, its a post about words. These are the thoughts that come to my mind about words. What do we mean when we use certain words? There are lots of words like love, God, teacher, smart, weed, near, far that send me to go down this line of thinking. All of these words have meanings and usages that are far more complicated than they at first appear.
It was clear after that conversation in Mexico that my need for a new word was real. It was also clear that I was the only one in our group struggling with the meaning of the word. My meaning of the word was different than others. Some just avoid the word and discussions that would lead to it. Others are comfortable with the word and see it as fully representative of their beliefs. We still spoke about divinity that week. I still searched for my word. And, am still searching for it.
My criteria is demanding:
Divinity is in all and it is what was, is, and will be, so all of that must be reflected in the word.
It must join the feminine and the masculine, it can’t be accomplished in a gender biased way.
It must be inclusive of all.
It must be free of a singular, specific, identifiable form or imagery.
Intimate and intangible, knowable and amorphous.
The words we choose are important to build understanding and communication. I’ve been digging into this thought and the conversation in Mexico the only way I know how, research and reflection. And, spoiler alert, it’s still a work in progress.
God
The Oxford English Dictionary states that God (the noun) is an Old English word defined as “A superhuman person regarded as having power over nature and human fortunes.” It is derived from a Germanic base of uncertain origin. One hypothesis is that it comes from an Indo-European verbal base of either (1) “yet v. with the underlying meaning ‘pour’ (used here with reference to poured sacrifices or libations), or (ii) a base with the meaning ‘to invoke’.” One thing seems fairly clear, the Germanic word was gender neutral. The turn toward a strongly masculine association did not occur until Christianity adopted it as such.
“God,” the word I grew up with is full of expressions of masculinity: he, him, his. It encourages a singular, exclusive image for me. Where are the feminine traits? Where is the mother?
Sophia
The feminine is found within Sophia. Sophia translates as wisdom and is interwoven with God but also provides a gendered perspective. While having the feminine included is a step in the right direction for me, it is still divisive, rather than inclusive. Where is there a joining of the masculine and feminine?
Also, having a proper name like Sophia encourages me to create a singular image of a person and that does not allow for the intangible and the divinity in all. Sophia is not an option for me based on the above criteria.
Mother Earth
Mother Earth, as Sophia does, brings in the feminine but still provides a gendered perspective. It does bring in one additional element of the Earth. The Earth as the mother of all the humans and more than humans that live here.
There is still a missing component. Mother Earth is not a big enough term. Don’t get me wrong, it is the term that I use to describe my relationship with this amazing planet. As far as the new word I am in search of, it doesn’t represent everything - what is, what was, what will be, all the potential, the entirety of the web of life and the universe.
Creator
Creator expresses only one aspect - the role of bringing something into existence. There is so much more to the criteria I have set.
Mother Earth and Father Sky
Mother Earth and Father Sky bring the joining together of feminine and masculine, the intimate and intangible, knowable and amorphous, and when used together encompasses the divinity that is in all on Earth and in the Universe. The human-like image may not fully capture what was, is, and will be but is one of the closest options so far.
Others:
I am
The Absolute
The One
Eternal Thou
These capture the mysterious and intangible, free from specific form and imagery. However, they are not intimate.
Why is this search for a word necessary to me? Because words matter. This word in particular matters because it gives shape to how I see the world and my place in it. The word affords me the ability to speak, share, and learn with others about our experiences, beliefs, lives, and the world. It gives context to those stories.
So, I’ll remain wordless, which is okay because it’s the journey that matters to me. I’ll continue using God and trying out variations of Eternal Mother and Father, until the right word or word combinations presents itself.
This month I’m spending a lot of time pondering these words and others as they pop up. I hope that I am able to use words to promote growth, connection, and stories that call to action.
Here’s how I am using my hand, head, and heart this month.
I am moving through this quagmire of sound, words, and overwhelm the only way I know how. Slow. Steady. Purposeful. Intentional. Here's how I'm using my head, hand, and heart to do just that.
Hand: Spring Cleansing
Once Imbolc arrives on February 1st my thoughts turn to Spring. It isn’t until March though, that I truly capitalize on that energy. Spring cleansing begins on March 1st and ends the Friday before Easter, Good Friday. Right, it’s spring cleaning. But, when done with intention it becomes something a little more special, a bit more magical, than just cleaning. Hence, cleansing. Cleansing brings in more than just cleaning. There is intention and purification. (see: the Oxford English Dictionary definition of cleanse).
It starts slowly with donations. We place a big box by the back door and everyone is encouraged to fill it with items that are ready to find a new home. Clothes and books usually fill most of the box, but sometimes items can be more interesting. Kitschy keychains. Humidifiers. Fondue pots. One never knows what will end up in the box. At the end of the month, the items are donated locally.
There’s a whole house clean. A deep cleaning room by room. We’ll bring some pussy willow sprigs into the house for good luck and prosperity, and may try our hand this year at propagating some new pussy willow plants while we’re in the garden.
All of the cleaning is completed by Good Friday and on Saturday I will sain the house with a purifying and blessing bundle I make from flora sourced in my own garden or ecoregion. (see Lotus #10 - Wisdon-holder for more on saining).
Then I’ll sit down and enjoy a bowl of Żurek Soup (Sour Rye Soup) [pronounced: ‘Zhoo-wreck’] with a slice of homemade bread. It’s so flavorful and comforting, and a wonderful finale for the month.
Head: The haiku’s of Basho.
I have found that poetry is calling to me right now. I suppose it is because I am focused on words — their meanings, their uses, their power. Poetry is something I enjoy reading, it is so filled with intention. Please don’t ask for a favorite poet or poem, that’s too hard. Poets and poems seem to come to me when I need them and so I have been keeping a journal of poems and quotes since 1982. It would be nearly impossible to select a favorite because they are tied to memory and time.
This month, I am exploring the haiku’s of Basho. They are so beautiful and bright.
In Basho: The Complete Haiku, translator Jane Reichhold described Basho’s work as follows:
“Basho was a genius with words. He understood the importance of using the most perfect word in every phrase of his poems….Very often the word he used was the one with the most meanings or variations.….He did this consciously in order to give the tiny poem additional levels of understanding….By understanding wordplay and hidden meanings, euphemisms, and culturally nuanced words, the reader can gain a surprising and marvelously new understanding of a familiar poem. (p. 11)”
I am enjoying this dive into his haiku’s for another reason. I read them slowly and let them sink in. Reading them is like a poetry meditation. Here’s my process.
First, I read the haiku and welcome whatever comes to me from it. I ponder what is conveyed to me, a visitor to this form and to the culture and history it springs from.
Then, I turn to the notes section of the book. For each poem there is a direct translation, the original Japanese, a Romanized reading, identification of the time period of the poem, and then an explanation of the technique, setting, and additional information necessary to see the poem more completely.
Lastly, I go back and read the poem again to see if there is anything new or different in how it meets me.
The haiku for today:
Haru ya koshi toshi ya yukiken kotsugomori
direct translation:
spring came
year went
second last dayfinal translation:
has spring come
or the year gone away?
second last dayReichhold explains that this is one of the oldest dated haiku’s by Basho - 1663. She explains that the Japanese calendar was based on the phases of the moon and that since the year was “based on solar rotation, adjustments had to be made to keep the monthly moon calendar in sync with the skies. Thus in 1663, instead of the first day of spring arriving on New Year’s Day, as was normal, it was marked as beginning two days earlier. (p. 235)”
This poem is about having the first day of spring despite the date. With the equinox having just passed by and today’s temperatures of 28°F, we have the date of the first day of spring but it certainly doesn’t feel it. The sun is shining bright today, so there is hope of warmer times to come.
How does this haiku meet you?
Heart: Earth Hour 2024.
I am looking forward to Earth Hour 2024. Earth Hour started in 2007 as a symbolic lights out event. It has become so much more over the years. Every year, at 8:30pm on the last Saturday of March, supporters in over 190 countries and territories unite, taking action on and raising awareness of the issues facing our Mother Earth. It’s become a movement for our own futures and our planet’s future.
I love the mood in our home during Earth Hour - warm, cozy, relaxing, connected. It’s like a family reset before April and its accompanying busy-ness kicks in.
This will be our families 5th Earth Hour. Over the years, with our lights out, we have:
had a candlelight dinner
danced in the dark
camped in the living room
knitted by firelight
read aloud from books like The Earth Speaks
gone on night hikes
I am very fortunate to be able to choose this. Some will say that my little family’s participation in Earth Hour won’t change make a difference, won’t change a thing. But I believe that if millions of people around the world are choosing to make this statement, together, then may be one of us will inspire another to act. What if 100 of us each inspire another to act? What if 1000 of us each inspire another to act? What if a million of us each inspire another to act? Somewhere along the way it becomes a movement and that can spark a world of change. That is a hope I am willing to work towards, for all of us and for all of the more than humans that share this planet with us.
Interested in participating in Earth Hour 2024 - March 23rd at 8:30pm? There are no rules. Just do something you love for our Mother Earth. Enjoy a sustainable meal. Go on a night hike. Plan a garden. Go star gazing. Learn about an ecosystem. Craft or upcycle something. Draw, paint, or photograph a scene in nature. Swap your light bulbs out with more energy efficient ones. Need ideas? Visit: earthhour.org or @earthhourofficial on Instagram.
Here I am this month, moving through this quagmire of sound, words, and overwhelm the only way I know how. Slow. Steady. Purposeful. Intentional. This month my hand, head, and heart practices provide an opportunity to do just that.
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